If you do, you’re not alone. An increasing number of my clients tell me they hate having their photograph taken. Most of these are women, though not all. It seems so paradoxical. We all have an innate need to feel seen, recognised and understood, yet so many of us have a barrier to actually being seen.
Why? Where does this deep fear of seeing ourselves for who we really are come from? I have asked myself, and others, this question for many years now, and of course there’s no one answer. It’s psychology, it’s personal to each individual story. But there are common threads that weave through us all, through society. And it’s these that I have tried to untangle.
The three most powerful influences that seem to rustle their way in to most psychologies (in my experience) are:
social media
the beauty industry
perfectionism
None of these are new. They have each been discussed and torn apart by psychologists, journalists, people in the public eye and the general public. And they do appear to be changing. Imperfection is now embraced on social media - celebrities are shouting from the rooftops about their insecurities, vulnerabilities and body pressures; the beauty industry is embracing diversity and uniqueness in its advertising; and ‘imperfectionism’ is the new perfectionism. It seems like an exciting shift, but is it actually having the impact it claims to be on the everyday person?
From my experience, it isn’t. And here’s why I think that is. Our feelings about our own image are ingrained from years of conditioning throughout our childhood and beyond. And for any of us over the age of 5 who have ever watched TV, read magazines or walked the city streets, most of that has been a haze of stick thin, flawless, white skinned, hair flicking perfection (I realise I’m focusing on women). And that’s just the beauty industry.
Then social media came along, and suddenly it’s shoved in our faces 24/7. Luckily, social media hands some of the power over to the public, which has been a huge part in the push back against this. But in its twisted ways, social media somehow grabs hold of the good and remoulds it into something other than altruism. It turns it into fashion.
With fashion comes a pressure to conform. To conform to new expectations of ‘imperfection’, to reveal our vulnerabilities whatever they might be, to be diverse in some form, desperately trying to ignore our layers of conditioning by the beauty industry, because it’s now not ‘fashionable’. For most people it’s not that easy. We end up remoulding ourselves quickly into something we’re not, or aren’t ready for, our real selves pushed further into the shadows. And so feeds our insecurities over ‘being seen’.
Just understanding why this cycle keeps turning means we can gently unwind from it. Many of us find we need to have our photograph taken for new businesses, online profiles, for general presence online. The process can be liberating - we can and should all be able to have images of ourselves that feel real and that we’re proud to put out into the world.
When I work with clients who feel they are somewhere in this cycle, we work together to find the space, props and ways of being that allow you to comfortably step out of the mould. With that you get to explore new ways of feeling yourself and viewing yourself from the outside. It’s a conversation, an exploration and a collaboration. The camera click is just the final part. Ultimately, we all want to be seen, and we can, if we want to, embrace imperfection on our own terms, in our own time.
If this is something that resonates with you, give me a call or drop me a message to talk more. I’m taking new commissions and am able to work during lockdown if you live locally.